Robert ANDREW Gaudio

Robert Gaudio is a bagel making dog whisperer, when he’s not making bagels or communicating with his furry friends, he is trying to impress Taylor Swift, his one true love.  His friends usually refer to him as ‘Spankz’ or ‘Big Brotha Thunda’, his true passion however is Topiary, the art of bush carving.  He is an accomplished Topiaryist and frequently is featured in the magazine ‘The Green’ and he has self published a novel; “Clippers; The Key to Trimming Your Bush”.


Robert was also born part merman which makes him an industry level professional in the aquatics department, but ever since the Titanic sunk he has only kept in touch with his above sea mer-friends due to some misunderstandings.  Robert’s family friends consist of, merman, barnacle boy, and aquaduck.  Something that many people don’t know about mermen is that, like vampires, they are immortal however, unlike vampires they don’t sparkle in the daylight, but they do other cool things like they can shoot fireworks from their tales when they’re excited…and stuff like that.


On another note Robert Gaudio may be a subscriber to “Soap Carvers Weekely” but he is a man.  Not simple man, but man nonetheless. He is more of a man of few words. Though he may be silent and deadly, Robert Gaudio is critically accalaimed; in fact the LA Times once wrote ” This doggie has fleas.” And although it was in a review of the movie Air Bud 2 one can see through the typos and be sure that by “doggie” they mean Robert Gaudio, and by “fleas” they meant “incredible talent at improv” but they certainly got the “has” part right.   He would like to thank Ally Cohen and D-Garf ‘The Scarf’ for ghost writing this bio.

What a man


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